Oy, a rough year for ye ole reporter who has been punjabi the drame of my cousin Bernard and his unlegal ponzi scheme.  My main patron for travel has ended up 150 year einsezn.  I cannot even use the Miami beach-front condo as my schtub.  It's fercockt and a shanda fur die goy, Bernie!  On to the US Open 2009, which I am gliklikh to attend:

Round one had Venus Williams looking fershlugina against Bethanie Mattek-Sands until the second set, where the shvartser kicked up her spiel.  Only a year ago, Anna Ivanovic held the top spot.  This year, shayner ongepotchket in the first round. She has the next two weeks to find shvantz to suck in the city.  Also of interest is nafka Maria Sharapova who zetz Tsevtana Pironkova, looking strong early on.  Despite these events this heeb is putting his money on Jelena Jankovic, oy how I'd like to nosh her pirog.  But alas, out in the third round.

The men show promise with ass-picking malpe Rafael Nadal easily defeating Frenchman Richard Gasquet who seemed eager to get off the court in order to inhale large lines of cocaine.  Everyone is chasing Roger Federer, with the two Andy's (Murray & Roddick) looking to upset this faygala.  A home town favorite, James Blake might be a dark horse:  Literally dark and more of a mule than horse...I predict out by the semis. 

But how could this schlepp predict the shvarta to threaten officials?  Upset city in Flushing Meadows this year.  See you next Grand Slam season.

Stay tuned to this page for updates though out the 2009 US Open hosted at Billie Jean King National Tennis Center.  I'm the old Jew in the cowboy hat sitting in the box seats.  Please feel free to introduce yourself.  If you aren't here, comment on this board.  Go ahead, speculate the outcome of this year's Open.