President George W Bush partied late into the night with Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, getting waxed on Putinka vodka.  Members of his secret service staff report US beach volley ball teammates Misty May Treanor and Kerri Walsh leaving the Bush suite early this morning.

The Olympic games in China?  Allah-damn, I would never imagine I would see it in my lifetime.  For over a century Russia has been snubbed as host for the games, but now communist China gets the nod.  This would have nothing to do with the rest of the world being dependant on Chinese products, would it?  As the Koran teaches, capitalism is cause for Jihad.

"After a three month military tour in Afghanistan, Prince Harry has emerged a hero on the level of Rambo," proclaimed a U.S. loving Tony Blair triumphantly.  "Our Prince has gone to the thresholds...the armpit of the Arab world and emerged an English gentleman.  He will work nicely with the next US President, John McCain," he continued in an aparent endorsement for US Senator John McCain for US President.

In a vulgar display of courtroom defiance this past week, Saddam Hussein (68) made the decree that he is still the acting President of Iraq and as President demanded that he be given peanut-butter banana sandwiches daily, delivered to his prison cell.

AP WIRE: Osama Bin Ladin and Dr. Evil claim responsibility for hurricane Katrina and Rita on a videotape released to ABC News' Pakistan office. The video, which has been verified authentic, shows Dr. Evil and Bin Ladin speaking about recent weather events in the US.

In a bold move by the Bush Camp, #1 HVT (high value target) Osama Bin Ladin has been bumped to the #2 most wanted behind Allah (the Islamic equivalent of God in Christian terms).