Guests began to arrive at the non-descript million dollar Dallas mansion of George W Bush just hours after news broke that scientists had discovered the 'missing link' between man and monkey.

"We are all excited to hear that my husband George has finally been able to complete his side of the family's geneology," exuded a smiling Laura Bush.  "I was just teasing Jenna on how all the years of calling her 'my little monchici' now have justification...She really is part monkey!"

Ultra-conservative right wing petticoat?

or

Secret Agent Man, aka Cobra Command?

Ronnie "Woo-woo" Wickers is not a cool mascot.  Anyone who has sat in his section for more than three innings will admit to the headache created by his insesent chanting of, " Cubs, WOO...!  Big Z, WOO...!  Cubs, WOO...!"  If the guy bagging your groceries at the supermarket acted out like this you would complain to the manager.  Harry Caray was a better mascot despite rumors that he, also hated the Cubs.

Meet tweaky McGee. He will tint down your windows for cheap. The only problem is that he is tweaking so ridiculous that he looks like a palsy patient. His habit is demanding he do bumps of tweak out of his shit-box van about every 45 to 50 minutes. He is wearing the same clothes he did yesterday when he did the convertible.

US Treasury secretary Tim Geithner utilized a new Virtual Reality {VR} device to emphasize his point on passing the President's $ 787 billion stimulus packet.  "We have used the Virtual Reality helmet to simulate what will occur if this emergency stimulus bill is not passed.  It's not pretty."

After a busy first week in office, malt liquor producer Colt 45 hires Obama as their new spokesperson under the slogan, "Work Hard, Play Hard".  The new President joins a celebrity list which includes Billy D Williams and Ice Cube who have all appeared on Colt 45 advertisments.

Cell phone footage revealing a private team meeting of the Arizona Cardinals has exposed a suprise plan coach Whisenhunt has strategized to elevate the Arizona Cardinals to 2008 Superbowl Champions.

"It's not unlike that Sandler flick The Waterboy," explained Whisenhunt to the starting line-up before Sunday's New England Patriots game where the Cardinals where smeared 47 to 7.

The new President, CEO of General Motors Fritz Henderson announced a new business strategy today in an attempt to stop the bleeding of $ 1 Billion per quarter or $ 4 Billion in annual losses.

"Without going into too much detail, the strategy is based on the same idea as the play/movie The Producers," reports Henderson.